I love to dance, but guess what? I suck at following.
During a private, partner dancing lesson, my instructor noted: “It’s about reacting.”
If only it was that easy. I’m a leader trained to be proactive rather than reactive. I read people and anticipate their needs. Sometimes I know their needs before they do.
This can be a great skill—in business.
It can be horrible in dancing—and love—maybe life too.
Not only am I attempting to lead, but I learned I’m a codependent dancer too. The dance instructor alerted me of this not so great habit I have when he said, “In anticipation of my next move, you did something to help me, but it really wasn’t helpful. In fact, it made things worse.”
How often do we do that? We think we’re helping others when really we are making things worse.
I think “the worsening” (also known as the fukening) happens often when we enable other people by not telling the truth. Or, we take care of other’s needs when they haven’t given us permission or contracted with us to assume that responsibility.
I know I’m guilty of this—more often than I care to admit.
Further, proactive people are always on offense. They never let their guard down, and they rarely hear the nuances of change under their feet because they constantly try to get ahead of it.
You must be present to react.
You have to be right here, right now. Poised, ready, and responsive. Not looking ahead, not worrying about the past, and certainly not making any advance moves.
One thing I’ve learned in recovery is there’s safety in the present moment.
When we are present, we are safe. Depression is a focus on the past, while anxiety is worrying about the future.
No matter how crazy the past, or how suspect the future is, this moment is all we have.
When we relax and ground into this moment, we’re ready for the next move. Not knowing what’s next doesn’t have to be scary, make us anxious, or be a battle.
I felt a safe presence in Orange County dance instructor, Stephen Thomas. This presence was complimented with communication, movement, and further direction.
Stephen reiterated stating, “Dancing with a connection is about having a conversation. I believe partner dancing is a language in itself, and the actions and reactions are words, sentences, and conversations.”
He also gave further insight into being proactive in dancing, which helped me feel better about my intention to help. He noted, “Reading what the other person wants and needs is an asset in dancing—as long as you get it right by not rushing or going early, but waiting until they are ready—so you can join them in doing it together.”
In the same way we listen before rushing in with commentary during a conversation, being proactive in dancing is about joining each the person in their expression once the need, movement, and direction are clear.
You know I love words, language, and conversations!
Isn’t that the way things should advance in life, love, and business too? With communication, movement, and further direction?
Mistakes happen. In life, love, and business; there will be missteps and times when we step on each other’s toes.
However, to keep the dance moving, fun, and entertaining—I advocate for the following four things: